Nothing can be more healing than an apology from someone whom has hurt you.
If you ever hurt someone, be accountable for what you have done, and apologize. If you do not realize you have hurt someone, listen to what that person has to say and embrace it. If what they are saying is valid, well, apologize. You both need to move on. It takes courage to apologize. Not everyone has the ability to do this, but once you have found the courage, and find an inner strength to do so, the rewards are priceless.
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8 comments:
I am sorry, but this sibling needs the help from those guys in the "white coats".
There's no excuse for hurtful comments, especially between siblings. An apology can be healing, but if none is forthcoming, the healthiest thing you can do is withdraw from the situation. Some people just aren't worth the trouble.
It sounds like your sister is feeling guilty for her remarks and too ashamed to admit she wrongfully hurt you. Some people just live in denial and have to hurt others in order for them to feel bigger. Hopefully some day she will realize her mistakes.
I would let it go for now however, if she starts in again, I would ask her why she expects you to 'be' and 'think' like her. We are all allowed to live and think as we choose (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else)... and therefore, does not have the right to hurt you to make herself feel bigger.
If she has a problem with your life then she might want to take a look at her own.
You could always be the bigger person and apologize to her for disappointing her however, she still does not have the right to purposely hurt you. Did she offer a solution to making your life better? or just criticize? In other words if she doesn't have a good solution to making your life better she can't complain... and what business is it of hers if you don't live the life she wants you to?... unless you are hurting her life in some way... but I can't imagine you are.
Hi Liz,
I have just now read all of the e-mails back and forth from you and your sister. I am truly shocked and appalled at the intense cruelty that your sister is showing you. She is ABSOLUTELY ******* UP!!!! I really mean this. I think this is a very destructive relationship for you. She has taken a very simple and nice thing that you did, (inviting), and is responding to you as if you did something really horrible. This is NOT NORMAL. Please know that your sister has some major issues that obviously she has not dealt with.
As far as her telling you that you cannot sustain a relationship: The thing is, you are looking for a quality relationship, and have been selective about who you want to keep in your life. So things did not work out. You tried and they failed you. As far as friends go, you have sustained a relationship with me for at least three years. I'm sorry, but your sister is the one who needs the guys in white coats, but I doubt if she will ever seek the help she needs.
Please know you are a wonderful person. You are loving and trusting, and Gary took advantage of that because he is an asshole. It was not your fault, as your sister is trying to imply. Having healthy relationships is where it's at and you are doing the right thing by being selective.
Her meanness is so shocking to me. Sorry, I don't say this often, but she is a total bitch.
Don't even listen to her nonsense. She is probably drunk when she is writing this stuff.
Just remember what my great grandmother used to say: "Aren't you glad you're not like that!"
Let's get together again. I am so sorry I didn't read the trail of emails between you two alot sooner. I had no idea that your sister was this nasty!
Lets get together,
C.M.
Everybody on here is right she has demons she needs to deal with. I don't think she will ever apologize because she believes she is in the right and you were in the wrong. You are a great and bright individual, but you don't need to hang around her so she feels better by tearing you apart.
So why is it always the "succesful sibling" that seems so angry with us poor unfortunates w/o the kids and house and cars. It's as though they are angry at our inabilty or lack of desire to emulate them. They have a life and we have a life. I respect theirs, I'm just not willing to live it with them. A little respect for those of us on a different path.
Thanks for the comment. So true isnt it?
Its as though she is angry in her own life and wants me to feel as miserable as her. Sad.
I am so content with who I am and where my path has led. I do not compare myself with those who have material successes but rather, those I admire in good character and kindness toward others.
Thanks for the comment. :-)
Being somebody who has 'experienced' parents who saw themselves as beyond all criticism JUST BY BEING parents, I know exactly how this feels, Liz.
This will probably hurt a bit, but sometimes people who are - rather, should be - close to one are not prepared, or will not ever, be prepared to look at themselves and admit they might have done something wrong. I myself have quit hoping my own parents will ever admit their own failings - regarding myself and my brother - I even felt I need to actually end all contact. Which happened some ten years ago, it just occurred to me...
She is definitely 'in the wrong', no doubts about that whatsoever, only that - in my humble opinion.
-- Valentin in Austria
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